Glossary:
Terms of art to be used in the discussion of buying, selling and collecting jerseys.
Larry Murphy's Law:
Murphy's Law states that if something can go wrong, it probably will. Larry Murphy's Law is the same thing applied to jerseys, like:
You buy a new authentic, player gets traded.
The jersey you have been waiting for becomes available at the exact moment you don't have the funds to buy it.
And so on.
Third Thoughts:
You buy a jersey, only to have second thoughts and you list it for sale. Then you remember why you bought it and you take down your sale. Congrats, you just had third thoughts.
Better The Devil You Know:
Almost always brought on by the effects of Larry Murphy's Law, you will have had cause to question if this hobby is really worth your time, effort and money. This feeling usually lasts a day or two and may cause you to list a few of your least important jerseys for sale before Third Thoughts set in and you realize you'd need a new hobby if you gave up this one. And who can honestly say that that one wouldn't be worse?
Ooopsie Bid:
Feeling good about life+ 3 too many Guinesses=hoping someone outbids me.
That would be a verb, as in, 'Shoot. I just oopsie bid on that crappy jersey.'
Buk-Hockey jersey:
A jersey you know you blew way too much on, and now you don't even want to look at it.
Buy Now, Reserch Later:
Seeing something you're not used to buying and buy it because it's there...
You buy it because you figure someone else will see it and grab it.
Only to find out its customized wrong or the player you intend to put on it, never wore it.
Jersey Economics:
The hoops you jump through to justify purchases. Ex:
Paid $50 for a blank authentic, $65 to customize. $115 cost.
Sold for $175. $60 profit.
Bought it back for $175. That cancels out the $175 sale, still up $60.
No longer have to customize the replica you bought to replace the authentic you sold. No longer need the shoulder patches either. Savings of $80.
So that's $115, minus $60 profit, minus $80 savings, congrats, you're up $25 and you still have the jersey!!!
Just don't think too hard or you get to the real numbers:
$50 for the blank, $65 + $25 postage (both ways) to customize, total cost $140.
Sold for $175 shipped, $10 of which is shipping, profit is $25.
Bought a blank replica for $35, shoulder patches for $15. Other necessary patch was $10. Down $35.
Shipped the replica to a buddy to sew on the shoulder patches, $8, now down $43.
Required the original jersey for $175.
Stripped the shoulder patches, retained them for future project.
Sold the replica (with the other patch attached) on eBay for $19.99, further loss of $35, total loss of $78.
Congrats, you spent $78 and have the same jersey you started with.
Nail (noun): A near grail.
It's ridiculous that "grail" gets used so frequently. Let's try this term to describe really nice jerseys that you won't soon part with but don't qualify as THE jersey in your collection.
Creation Jersey
Negative, tongue in cheek slang for a jersey to which elements have been added (i.e. fight strap, tagging, etc.) to make it appear authentic.
Self Selling:
Taking pictures of a jersey with the intention of selling it, then looking at the draft of your listing and changing your mind because it looks so good.
The Hundred Year Wait:
The time it feels like you waited for your new favorite jersey to be delivered to your house after you bought it or sent it out for customization.
Wife Pleaser:
A jersey that you buy on impulse (through an oopsie bid) but then you later sell for even money or profit. The wife (or your partner) is happy since you didn't totally waste money on the bad original purchase.
Ghost jersey (n)
A jersey you spent decent to a lot of money on that you hide from your significant other as if he/she does you would get the third degree for spending more money on clothes than he/she does.
Ghosting (v) a jersey
Trying to make a jersey invisible because if you can just get it into your closet, you can pretend that its been there all along.
Jerseyfication:
Going to whatever lengths necessary to achieve justification of a jersey purchase. Such as:
"I collect jerseys from (insert player name) because he's from my home town, OR his name sounds like mine, ORhe went to my college, etc."
"Jersey costs $500. I don't have $500 to spend one jersey. But, that jersey is at least twice as cool as the two regular jerseys I would have bought for $250 each. By not buying those two (which, bear in mind, DON'T ACTUALLY EXIST), I can now afford the $500 jersey."
"I don't need that jersey --- or that jersey's too expensive. But, if I sold my x-jersey for $125 and my y-jersey for $150, and if I could sell my z-jersey for $100 then it would be basically like an even trade". Purchase justified (jerseyfied), and jersey x, y, and z never get listed anywhere."
Jersey-ignorance/denial
When you try to convince your buds and teammates of the quality of real authentics, but you are being mocked upon and made fun of about how you try to point out the details.
Whore jersey:
One that's been passed around from collector to collector, everyone's had a piece.
Nocturnal remission:
A term for the relief that comes from waking up to find that someone has finally outbid you for a jersey that you really don't want after all?
Collectile dysfunction:
The state of having a jersey collection which is somehow flawed; may contain jerseys you don't even really like that much or feel any connection to, or may focus on an area you can't really afford to collect; the collection may need to be refocused, perhaps with an emphasis on particular players or teams
Postage Stomp:
The bad attitude one has after getting a missed delivery notification. I.e., "I usually do the postage stomp when USPS arbitrarily decides they can't leave a delivery in the parcel locker, because that all but guarantees I have to drive to the post office to get out of the missed delivery loop."
OR
When somebody crams a jersey into a tiny box, looking like he jumped on the box just to get the jersey to fit.